Image / moonbloom



Don't forget love;

It will bring all the madness you need

to unfurl yourself across

the universe.


- Mira



Dana Wyss Healing Arts
Breathe deeply, practice often, be well.
http://www.danawyss.com/

Image / Tim Hester


The vulnerability of one who has entered any path aimed at deep change is undeniable. Whether the path is one of meditation, psychotherapy, yoga, religious study and/or conversion, or the deep academic study of a range of subjects, transformational work has as its foundation the goal of eradicating our stale ideas, false beliefs, and the unskillful habit patterns which have thus far guided our lives. For any of us, some of these bits are useful or innocuous in their influence upon our lives, while others are entirely false and have certainly restricted our growth. From the inside, with our inherently limited vision, we cannot always tell the difference. Because of this dilemma - the desire to change on deep levels and the inability to do so alone, due to our own incomplete perception and understanding - we need teachers and guides. 

One role of a teacher/guide is to aid us in dismantling that which is false within us. Beliefs about ourselves, about the world, and about others which distort our clarity must be removed in order for our understanding to blossom, in order that wisdom may root within us. This is not generally a pleasant process. Our ego resists it. Our minds resist it. Our lived experience screams "but I know I'm right about this!" in argument to the expanded notions our teacher will present to us along the way. Inwardly, outwardly, or both, we're likely to fight this change even as we seek it. 

In these places of dismantling, these fields where controlled burns are followed by quiet repair and the ultimate arrival of fertile and seeded soil, we are largely without our previous personal defense systems. These burned with the chaff to make room for our new ways of understanding and relating to ourselves and the larger world. In the meantime, we rely on the new teachings and our teacher to guide us through the situations and decisions that naturally arise in our daily lives, which haven't stopped to wait for our mastery of the new order.

The teacher/guide/therapist/professor-student relationship has extraordinary intimacy embedded within it. It is, in all cases, unlike other relationships we cultivate in our personal lives. There is a power dynamic inherent in these relationships that precludes the kind of equitable exchange we can expect to develop in our peer connections, friendships and intimate romantic relationships. As living beings, of course we're all equal. But when it comes to the terrain of deep psychological and spiritual work, ignoring the truth of the teacher-student dynamic reduces clarity within a working space that's already bursting with challenge, adaptation, evolution and the tender vulnerability those create.

It is a sacred role of the teacher/therapist/guide/professor to create a safe container to hold the transformation of their students, and to maintain it wisely with boundaries that allow students to reach their fully rooted place without sustaining new wounds. Without lighting un-prescribed fires, without initiating an uncontrolled burn. When that cannot be done for whatever reason, the duty is then to clearly and cleanly end the therapeutic or teaching relationship. No teacher is right for every student.

The history of the church, the history of psychotherapy, the history of yogic leaders across time all show this to be one of the greatest challenges for a human teacher to master. The fact that this sacred role is rarely played to it's full capacity by human leaders is not reason to abandon our expectation that it can be and should be, nor reason to despair and abandon our efforts at deep change within ourselves. It is reason to choose wisely, to cultivate discernment and discretion, to apply the wisdom and compassion that we do already possess, and appreciate the opportunities to further cultivate those as we move forward on our path. The path is not always entirely clear, and yet worthy of our continued seeking.   



Dana Wyss Healing Arts
Breathe deeply, practice often, be well.
http://www.danawyss.com/ 

Image / sonjachnyj 



How did I not know that?

How is it possible to get ___ years into a life before understanding this?

I wish I'd known this a decade ago! Or two! Or five!

What would my life be like if I'd known this sooner?


As we walk through life, occasionally big chunks of understanding fall into place in our minds and hearts. Mysteries that gnawed at us for years become solved. Moments that had us feeling like an alien outsider, like a bumbling buffoon...suddenly make sense. We get it.

We then explode outrageously into this moment of clarity, wholly unlike any other moment we've experienced before. Aha! Exuberance follows, as we celebrate the wonder of our newfound freedom. It's amazing! Incredible! Miraculous, even!
And then...

And then, often, the mind wanders right into a dense unforgiving forest. Into a bramble bush we go, piercing ourselves within a spiny thicket of lack. Oh, how we have suffered! We see how much we missed by not knowing this sooner. Woe! We see how naive, or foolish, or uninformed we were. And for how long! And on and on it goes, crimping away at our recent expansion, stealing all our fun, furrowing our brow.

We are where we are. We know what we know. And while the past cannot be changed, enhanced, or rewritten, we can certainly squeeze every nourishing drop of joy from our present. We can certainly decide not to lose another decade, year, month, or moment to the misunderstandings or perceived lack of our past.

Now we know. Now we understand. Now we have something we've needed. Now is the perfect time to let ourselves enjoy what we've found, appreciate it, and step forward into our lives a little wiser. Right now.
Go on.



Dana Wyss Healing Arts
Breathe deeply, practice often, be well.
http://www.danawyss.com/

Image / Romolo Tavani 



The connections which infuse our lives with joy, meaning, opportunity and growth are themselves living and changing things. When alive, no relationship will remain static and frozen. All of our relationships shift, end, morph, or reconfigure over time. Because we do.

If we're attached to experiencing a specific dynamic with someone in our lives, we're less likely to see the natural shifts when they happen at their most subtle level. Ignoring the reality of change, and ignoring the need for changes in behavior on our part, will begin to cause friction. Discomfort will arise, initially in soft form. The more it's ignored, the more it grows, and the less subtle the signals will become. The discomfort will grow a hard edge.

We have some choice in how long we wait to listen to reality, and sometimes we wait until pain makes the need for change very clear to us. Pain is a signal that something needs to change. This is true of pain in the body, mind, and heart. Our pain (which we can see as a spectrum ranging from minor discomfort to extreme agony) is a message that says "this needs your attention!".

When pain arises, we can react mindlessly - often we throw our pain back onto the other or onto others in the greater world. But we have other options, and they're more likely to help us move out of pain by addressing what genuinely needs our attention. When we feel discomfort in our connection with another, we can pause, reflect, and offer attention to needs:

How is the other showing up in this relationship, and what are their real needs?
How are we showing up in this relationship, and what are our real needs?
Is there equity in the dynamic, or is one person consistently giving too much?
Have we taken advantage of another? Is there something we need to address, apologize for, or take responsibility for, in order to establish trust, goodwill, and open communication?
Have we allowed ourselves to be taken advantage of in some way? If so, why? What did we trade in our attempts to get our needs met from inappropriate sources?
What specific needs of ours are not being met within this relationship in it's current form?
Is there a better place for us to meet those needs, or to seek that kind of support?
Is this a relationship that has run its course? Does discomfort stem from trying to force the past onto the present?
Is this a relationship that simply needs to allow a natural shift in it's dynamic? Do we simply need new rules of play?

Taking time to sit with these and similar questions honestly can give us insight into the discomfort we're experiencing. And once we're clear, we can make changes. Perhaps we simply need to change our behavior quietly, and allow those changes to inform the direction this relationship can grow, change or dissolve. Perhaps we need to have a direct conversation with the other, from our place of calm clarity about our needs and desires. The form of this relationship, it's history, it's level of intimacy, and our intuition can guide us on which approach is most beneficial in this regard.

In either case, this act of offering of kindness and reflection and clarity to ourselves creates the foundation from which we move toward another, or not. That's work they cannot do for us, and asking them to manage or care for feelings which we're unwilling to work with in ourselves is a sure way to create further imbalance in our connection. So we look, and we listen, and we let ourselves feel and see what is true. And we wait until that happens before we speak. And when we do speak, we speak honestly, allowing the outcome to be what it will be. The payoff? Well, it's in having a life full of relationships that are alive, breathing, honest, growing and growth-producing. What a gift.


Dana Wyss Healing Arts
Breathe deeply, practice often, be well.
http://www.danawyss.com/

Image / creativemarc



In a time and place that offers unprecedented choice in how nearly every aspect of our lives is organized, we've also arrived at an era of personal responsibility that is truly fascinating. We have fewer norms telling us how to structure our lives than at any time in recorded history. We currently have nearly endless options in: our methods of creative expression and the audience with whom it's shared; the kinds of work we do, where in the world we do it, and who we do it for; our belief systems about how a meaningful life might be lived; the kinds of relationships we fill our lives with, and the inspirations, purposes, agreements and structures that define and inform them; and how we're going to conduct ourselves and treat others amidst all of these shifts.

As many of the previously ubiquitous models for "how we do things around here" (i.e. avenues to learning and mastery, career paths, marriage and partnership, friendships, institutional religions, gender, consumption and waste, manners, money management) are either under renovation, just beginning to disintegrate or writhing in their final death throes, some real space has opened up. The canvas has been stretched to vast and it's sitting here, right in front of us, mostly empty. How do we respond to all this space, this great freedom?

Do we sigh with relief and spread out a bit, as we feel curiously into this new spaciousness? Do we close down and ball up, frozen in the grip of existential terror? Do we hop up, palette and brush in hand, eager to see what we can make?

Do we become overwhelmed at the prospect of having to choose something? Do we feel unprepared or inadequate as we realize just how many decisions we now must make for ourselves? Do we feel thrilled, enlivened by the possibilities?

Do we feel wholly unfixed, adrift, and unable even to dream a little dream of what could be? Do we feel that probably all this spaciousness and choice is wrong, misguided, or evil? Do we hold hard to the old ways, refusing all forms of change, our hands, arms and hearts growing rigid and fatigued? Do we wish that someone else would just tell us where to go, what to do, what to think and who to be?

There are many ways of responding and reacting to the shifting reality that we are living in! One human's excitement is another human's dread. In addition to the work of dreaming, molding and forming these lives we are living, we face ever-increasing demands upon our ability to understand, accept and allow others' differences. If we have greater freedom to create and they have greater freedom to choose, and at the same time we've eschewed many of the guidelines that used to direct our connections, our points of mutual contact and agreement may become fewer and smaller as the whole picture becomes larger, richer, messier and more colorful. If we're in uncharted territory, and the old maps cannot give us the lay of this new land, what can help us navigate as we grow into our future?

We can learn to listen to our inner guidance, and commit to mastering this skill.

The decline of old structures and the increase in new options means the volume of ideas, information, opinions and voices is going to expand. It's gonna be a big and noisy place, folks! If you're not already in solid touch with the subtle turnings of your internal guidance, if you can't easily tell the difference between the voice of your busy mind and your wise inner guide, the time to meditate is now! If you're already meditating, keeping your practice solid and steady will serve you well going forward.

We can place a high value on continuous learning, exploration and "failure".

We'll need to try something and then make adjustments and try something else and adapt it and then try again. In exploratory spaces, it helps to drop the idea that we know how it's all going to play out, and it also helps to realize that we don't really need to. The truth is, the "guaranteed outcome" theory promised by the old systems was both story and belief, not impeccable formula or rock solid fact. Here we are now, experimenters, who know ourselves to be experimenting! There's clarity and power in that realization. And, if we really embrace it, there's also a release from our previous notions of failure. Everything we experience is useful - It's all helping us to grow and refine our skills. Maybe we can even seek to celebrate our failures, both as little freedoms and as rich learning grounds from which we grow wiser and more skillful.

We can be curious, kind and tolerant.   

We can go ahead and give up the idea of being right in any ultimate way, and certainly regarding the choices of others. We can be more patient and kind. Probably we can be more often quiet, too! Others will be learning and experimenting and "failing", just as we are, and our own opinions and intuitions serve best when they serve us. At the same time, an erosion of manners and civility doesn't generally serve the harmonious co-existence of the masses. We can increase our efforts to treat others well, and we can value the beauty that kindness, curiosity and civility bring to our interactions and our communities.

We can enjoy where we are.

Can we consider it all an experiment, start playing with ideas that excite us, and watch excitedly to see where they take us? Can we see ourselves, and this moment, as the ultimate dream of countless generations before us? Can we hold a balance between the wonder of this gift and the new demands it makes upon us? This life and this time are a precious gift - can we allow ourselves to really appreciate it?



Dana Wyss Healing Arts
Breathe deeply, practice often, be well.
http://www.danawyss.com/